


Ship Wars (and how to twist them)

by LettieB



Category: Naruto
Genre: And hot, F/F, F/M, Humor, Team 10, and shikamaru is a chicken, because i'm so fed up with the petty wars of shikatema shikaino, bisexual ino needs to be a thing, but i mean it, ino does not respect the power of the dibs, shikamaru and ino fight over temari, stop ship wars, temari is awesome, this is not serious and it has little plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-01 15:14:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15145913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LettieB/pseuds/LettieB
Summary: Temari had turned to them, stuck her giant deadly fan in the sand, leaned casually against it and cracked a self-satisfied grin. The setting desert sun shone on her figure, making her tanned skin glow, her blonde hair darker and alight like spun gold, and those blue-green eyes narrowed in an entirely smug, challenging manner.Two thirds of their three-men cell took a sharp intake of breath. Shikamaru stood up straighter, and shifted in place like he was suddenly too hot and bothered. Ino raised her eyebrows and put a hand over her heart.“I think I just came,” she says.Shikamaru turns on her immediately. “Oh no, you can’t have her!”





	Ship Wars (and how to twist them)

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this as kind of a joke because I was fed up with the petty wars that shikaino and shikatema fandom puts up. I'm a shikatema shipper but I love Ino, I hate when people bash her or turn her into the villain. And why are they always fighting over Shikamaru? I like him, but let's be real, he's not that big of a hotshot.  
> Also I am ready to believe just about everyone in that show is bisexual, fight me.

They’d been running around in circles trying to catch this clever fucker for two weeks now. He’d managed to sidestep them at every trap, every ambush, every scuffle. He was a slippery bastard and he’d kept inching closer and closer to Wind Country border, until they were forced to inform Suna their assignment had invaded their jurisdiction. Gaara had responded by sending reinforcements – it was sandstorm season, he didn’t want any ally crossing the desert unawares and walking into a natural – if gruesome – death.

Reinforcements had been, unsurprisingly, Temari. What was surprising however, was how quickly and efficiently she’d dispatched their rogue charge, creating a terrifying sand-instilled hurricane that ate away at skin and flesh until the man was barely recognizable. It was a bit humbling – they’d been chasing him for days – and the team was understandably mildly disgruntled.

But then Temari had turned to them, stuck her giant deadly fan in the sand, leaned casually against it and cracked a self-satisfied grin. The setting desert sun shone on her figure, making her tanned skin glow, her blonde hair darker and alight like spun gold, and those blue-green eyes narrowed in an entirely smug, challenging manner. She tipped her chin in their direction and mocked her trademark “How’s that?” before turning around to secure the – likely dead – missing nin.

Two thirds of their three-men cell took a sharp intake of breath.

Shikamaru stood up straighter, and shifted in place like he was suddenly too hot and bothered.

Ino raised her eyebrows and put a hand over her heart.

“I think I just came,” she says.

Shikamaru turns on her immediately. “Oh no, you can’t have her!”

Ino ignored him. “Do you think she goes for girls? I kinda always felt a vibe… I think she does. I mean, she’d go for girls if the girl was me.”

“Don’t even! I liked her first!”

“But you don’t even do anything about it!” she whines.

“I’m waiting for the right time,” he says defensively.

Ino waves him off. “You do that, then. I’ll have a go while you wait.”

“Ino, that’s mean,” Chouji interceded,“He’s had a crush on her for years.”

Shikamaru nods, “yes, I’ve had a…” he stops, remembering he usually tried to play it cool, and starts back pedaling, “No, wait, I don’t…” but he knows that look in Ino’s eyes, she’s on the prowl. “Yes I have, so I call dibs!”

His teammates gasp.

“You can’t disrespect the sacred power of the dibs, Ino,” Chouji says solemnly.

She rolls her eyes so hard she gets a headache. “Well, get a move on, then! If you don’t ask her out, I will!” she threatens.

“I will!”

She waves her hand in Temari’s direction, frowning sarcastically at him as if to say ‘go ahead’.

He balks. “What, now?”

“Is that hesitation, Nara?” Ino teases, and starts taking slow steps towards the other girl. “You better think quickly ‘cause I’m on my way… To steal your girl…” she whispers mockingly.

“Temari!” he nearly squeaks.

The woman in question had been sending a message to the Kazekage informing her brother of the capture and of the probable time of arrival of their guests and the dead body, and was rather startled by the sudden call, particularly by how high pitched and desperate it had sounded. She’d never heard Shikamaru make that noise, not even when he was in mortal peril. “Yes, what’s wrong?”

“I…”

“What?”

“Would you…”

“Anytime today, Nara,” she teases, but there is a bit of annoyance seeping through. They have to get the hell out of here soon before the sandstorm approaching from the east catches them, and he’s wasting her time.

He can’t do it. Not with Ino and Chouji watching and a dead body behind her. Not when he’d been chasing someone through the desert all day and looked, felt, and probably smelt his worst. Not when there were witnesses to his very possible, very embarrassing rejection. “… Never mind.”

Temari shrugs and goes back to her message.

Ino smirks. “Chicken!”

“It’s not the right time!” he tries to defend himself.

She answers by waving her arms and squaking in an unflattering imitation of said chicken.

"Shut up!” he’s pretty sure his entire face has gone a bright red.

“I’ll show you right time, boy” she says smugly, slapping his chest and pushing him back.

“Don’t you dare,” he hisses to her.

“Oh, Temari?” she sing songs.

“Don’t you dare Yamanaka Ino!”

“Do you know any good tea houses back in Suna?” Ino asks, blinking up at her innocently, smiling her most charmingly and flipping her long blonde ponytail over her shoulder.

“You raving cow,” she hears her best friend hiss.

“I don’t know about tea houses but I know a pretty decent bar,” Temari grins back at her. “Do you think you can handle Suna tequila?”

“I think you'll find out there's very little I can't handle.” She smirks flirtatiously.

“I hate you,” Shikamaru whispers to her.

She glances back at him and winks, sauntering up to Temari with a swing to her hips.

Chouji places his hand on his shoulder and pats him in solidarity. "I'm sorry, man."

Shikamaru frowns. "Do you really think she's going for Ino? I mean, she could mean anything with that remark," he tries.

The look Chouji sends him is full of pity, and it's more than he can handle. He's suddenly filled with anger. 

"Fuck that. You know what? Fuck that. Ino wants a fight? She's gonna get a fight. This isn't over. Temari!" he shouts.

Chouji rolls his eyes. "Oh boy, here we go."

That sandstorm couldn't come fast enough. This was turning out to be a much more troublesome trip than they'd expected, in more ways than one. He hoped whoever lost this little ship war could step aside graciously in the name of their friendship or this was going to be a pretty big problem for their formation.

[He was betting on Ino, though. I mean. It was Ino. He loved his best friend but who would choose Shikamaru when Ino was in the picture?]

"Hold my backpack, Chouji!"

Oh, boy. Where are his chips?


End file.
